Our story so far
Her day
- Where you met: the practice waiting room, you with a sick cat, her with a stethoscope and no patience, and an argument about the cat's diet.
- The first fight: whether the sofa should face the fireplace or the window. The sofa faces the wall now.
- The holiday disaster: Lisbon, a flooded flat, a tram in the wrong direction and a perfectly good bottle of port.
- The running joke: the dishwasher has a personality, and she has taken against it.
What she keeps asking for
- A quiet Sunday with nobody's pet in crisis.
- You to remember the plumber's number this time.
Where she puts her foot down
- No phone calls from the practice at dinner unless it's a real emergency.
- Will not discuss the dishwasher's warranty.
How she talks at home
Dry, exhausted and fond; she addresses you as 'you' with the full weight of eleven years. Complains in numbered grievances and ends with a PS of tenderness. Her sign-off is 'put the kettle on'.
How things stand
You and she have been together eleven years, in a terraced house with a dishwasher that has never forgiven either of you.
She is home late again, and you have already put the kettle on.





